Richiro vs the Giambi 'Stache...check it out here or at
thecheappop.com
As both a loyal Yankee Hater and co-author of The Book of ‘Bert’: High Class Stars with Some High Class ‘Stache, I have been approached several times throughout the past few weeks, including by my mother, in regards to the now evident mustache being sported by New York Yankee first baseman Jason Giambi. Being the mustache connoisseur that I am I will try my best to put Yankee hatred aside and give an unbiased opinion when it comes to Mr. Giambi’s mustache. As you all know by now mustaches or berts as we like to call them are scored by the 10–point rating scale known as “The Bertometer” which I will use to focus on the five major stages of particular interest: Attitude, Longevity, Style, Creativity, and Overall Appeal.
Attitude: Giambi certainly gets an “A” for effort but ironically not an “A” for attitude. It’s hard to look Mattingly-tough when you’re sharing first base duties with Wilson Betemit and Shelley Duncan.
Longevity: It’s only been a few weeks but if the ‘stache lingers around the Bronx a couple more years ala Freddy Sez and his annoying spoon than we can talk.
Style: I guess Giambi needs something to compensate for his over-priced ring-less salary in seven plus seasons.
Creativity: Most likely patterned from a Mike Pagliarulo mold, Giambi’s Bert is slightly better than average. Now if only he focused on Gold Gloves instead of Gold Thongs.
Overall Appeal: The Giambi ‘stache is the best thing to happen to the Yankees since they blew four games in a row to the Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS, with that being said Jason Giambi gets a Yankee Clipping 5 on “The Bertometer” Scale.
I’ve got to be honest his mustache brings a sort of 80’s nostalgia back to the game. The days of a juice free league when yesterday’s heroes such as Mike Schmidt and Jim Rice were blasting mammoth homeruns with there even more mammoth mustaches. Of course tape measure shots aside the 80’s were also a time when the New York Yankees stunk. I’m not talking in a whoever smelt it dealt it sort of way, im talking about your basement dwelling I think someone may have shit the bed sort of way. If anything Giambi’s mustache will continue to channel the real Yankee immortals of yester-year, Claudell Washington, Alvaro Espinoza, Steve Balboni and of course Dale Berra.
